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Reba ibizakwereka ko umusore mukundana atazi icyo ashaka mu rukundo

Amakuru   Yanditswe na: Martin Munezero 8 June 2020 Yasuwe: 2468

Iyo umuntu adasobanukiwe n’ibyo ashaka mu rukundo, ntibisobanura ko adashaka kubana nawe, ariko nanone byerekana ko atazi icyo agushakaho, bikaba byatuma urukundo hagati yanyu rutaramba cyangwa ngo rugere ku ntego.


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Mu mibanire, biroroshye kwirengagiza ibimenyetso byerekana ko atazi icyo ashaka, kuko abantu batazi icyo bashaka barakunda nta kibazo, ariko mugihe cyose adashaka kumenya icyo ashaka mu rukundo, abona inyungu zose muri urwo rukundo mugihe yiyicariye mu manegeka yarwo.

Niba kimwe muri ibi bimenyetso kivuga ukuri, bivuze ko umukunzi wawe akeneye kumenya no gufata icyemezo cy’impamvu ashaka kubana nawe, bitabaye ibyo umubano hagati yanyu uri mu manegeka, muri gutakaza igihe.

1. Yirinda ibiganiro biganisha kuri “Aho Ibi bigana”

Iyo uri mu rukundo n’umuntu utazi icyo ashaka muri urwo rukundo, bivuze ko adashaka kumenya icyo ashaka, kuko iyo aba abishaka, aba yaramaze gufata umwanya wo kwiga no kwitoza, bakamenya icyo bazana mu rukundo nicyo bashaka kugeraho.

Kubera ko badashaka kumenya icyo bashaka, birinda kwishora mu biganiro nawe ku byerekeye ejo hazaza. Birashoboka ko bazirinda ibyo biganiro binyuze mu kubinyura iruhande, bagatanga ibisubizo bidasobanutse nko kuvuga “reka turebe uko bizagenda” , cyangwa bakavuga gusa ko batabizi.

Niba badashaka kuganira nawe kubyerekeye “aho ibi bigana,” inzira nziza – kandi ndavuga nkurikije ibyo niboneye – ni ugusuzuma aho wowe ubwawe utekereza ko bigana. Ntabwo ari aho ushaka wowe ubwawe ko bijya, ahubwo n’uko ubona ibintu bihagaze ukurikije ibimenyetso byatanzwe mbere yuko utanga igitekerezo.

Keretse niba nyuma umukunzi wawe abaye abonye icyerekezo, naho ubundi umubano hagati yanyu birashoboka ko ntaho uganisha. Ariko ntugomba kugumana nawe cyangwa kuba hafi ye kugirango ubimenye.

2. Yerekana ibimenyetso bivanze

Iyo umuntu atazi icyo ashaka mu rukundo ariko ntashaka gutakaza urukundo rwawe, azakuguyaguya bihagije kugirango ukomeze kumuba hafi. Azagerageza guhora akwandikira (rimwe na rimwe), yemera ubutumire bwawe bwo gutemberana, akubwira utugambo twa biraryoshye kandi byuje urukundo, kandi birashoboka ko yaba yishimira kuvugana nawe. Kuba adasobanukiwe ku byerekeye umubano nicyo awushakomo ntabwo ari ukubera ko atagukunda.

Gusa uzabona ari umuntu ukunze gusubira inyuma, aho udashobora kumwumva cyangwa kumubona iminsi cyangwa ibyumweru mu giha kimwe. Birashoboka ko utazemera gutakaza umwanya muri gahunda zawe kuri bo kubera izo mpamvu, ikindi kandi nubwo mukundana, ushobora gutinya kubereka ababyeyi bawe cyangwa kubashyira muri gahunda z’ubuzima bwawe mu buryo bunoze.

Niba utazi aho umubano hagati yanyu ugana cyangwa impamvu muri kumwe, ni iki kibabuza gutandukana?

Uku gusunika-gukurura hagati yanyu n’izo mbaraga bibasaba, birashoboka ko aribyo byaba bituma igihe cyawe hamwe nawe gishyuha kikabakurura, ariko nanone birashoboka ko uhangayitse kandi ushidikanya ku hazaza h’uwo mubano. Uku kudasobanuka ntabwo ari umusingi ukomeye w’umubano wizerana. Niba kandi umuntu atazi impamvu n’icyo ashaka mu rukundo, ntabwo azashobora kukuba hafi mugihe umukeneye rwose, ukwiriye ibirenze gushidikanya.

3. Akomeza kugirana ibiganiro n’ umubano byihariye n’abandi

Ikimenyetso nyamukuru cyerekana ko umuntu atazi icyo ashaka mu mibanire n’undi, ni gihe akomeje kugirana ibiganiro no kubonana n’abandi bantu nkawe, mu gihe agushakaho urukundo cyangwa uri mu rukundo nawe. Ntuzashukwe n’umusore uzakubwira ko kuba abikora ntacyo bitwaye ko agukunda, kandi ubona adashoboye guhitamo. Imyitwarire y’abasore nk’abo isaba ubwitange, ariko ntibyaba urwitwazo rwo kujya hirya no hino.

Umusore gukomeza kuganira no kubona n’abandi bakobwa mu gihe atazi icyo ashaka mu bucuti nawe, bivuze ko akomeje gufungura amarembo ye yo guhitamo. Ntazi icyo ashaka, bityo arimo kubona ibintu byose ashobora kuba ashaka mu gihe muri kumwe.

Niba utishimiye imyitwarire ye ariko ukibwira ko nta burenganzira bwo kumusaba kubihagarika ufite, icyo gihe bivuze ko ushyira imbere amarangamutima ye kurenza ayawe. Niba utekereza ko ushobora kumubura mu gihe umubwiye ko ushaka kuba umwihariko, bivuze ko witeguye kwakira ububabare kugirango ushobore kubana n’umuntu utakubaha ngo aguhe umwanya ukwiye.

Nabonye cyane cyane inshuti zanjye nyinshi zivugira ubwazo guha byose abasore batazi impamvu bashaka kubana nabo. Nanjye narabikoze. Ariko uko utanga byinshi, niko utekereza ko ugiye kwerekana agaciro kawe kuri bo. Imbaraga z’ingirakamaro, mu buryo n’ubwoko ubwo aribwo bwose, usanga muri iki gihe byarangiritse.

Author : Martin Munezero

Munezero Martin ni Umwanditsi w’Ikinyamakuru Umuryango. Yatangiye gukorera iki kinyamakuru muri Nzeli 2014.

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