Kigali

Ibimenyetso by’urukundo nyakuri ni ibihe?

Urukundo   Yanditswe na: 2 January 2017 Yasuwe: 4737

Uko abakundanye bahuza ubwumvikane mu buryo batwaramo urukundo rwabo biri mu bituma barambana nta kwishishanya kuko hari abakundana benshi bagatandukana hadaciye kabiri kubera imyumvire itandukanye.

Nubwo bidakunze gutindwaho, hari impuguke mu by’imibanire zemeza ko ari ingenzi cyane kandi birafasha kumenya icyo umuntu mukundana yita gukunda no gukundwa ndetse n’uburyo abyakira byombi.

Mu gitabo cy’umwanditsi, Gary Chapman yise imikorere yumvikanisha urukundo ( Les 5 langages de l’amour), yasobanuye uburyo butanu urukundo ruvugwamo kandi rwumvikanamo, bikaba biba byiza abakundanye bumvikanye ku buryo bubashimisha n’ubutabanyura cyane muri ubwo buryo.

1. Guhabwa Impano

Umwanditsi Gary Chapman avuga ko hari abantu bumva ko bakunzwe iyo bahawe impano,yaba ntoya cyangwa nini, bakabifata nk’aho iyo mpano ari ikimenyesto simusiga ko bakunzwe.

Kuri bene uwo muntu n’iyo wavuga iki cyangwa ugakora ibindi bintu byinshi ariko nta mpano umuha abifata nkaho utamukunda.

2. Kumarana umwanya n’umukunzi

Hari abandi bantu bumva ko bakunzwe ari uko bamaranye umwanya n’abakunzi babo. Bene abo ushobora kubazanira impano ntibayihe agacro ko ijyanye n’urukundo ubakunda kuko kuri bo gukundwa bihwanye no kubaha umwanya ukababa hafi kabone n’iyo mwaba mutavugana kuko ari byo bibanezeza bakumva bakunzwe cyane.

3. Kubwirwa amagambo meza

Iki gitabo cy’uyu mwanditsi kigaragaza ko hari abandi bumva ko bakunzwe iyo ubabwiye neza cyangwa ubabwiye amagambo meza. Icyo gihe barishima, bagaseka , hari n’abarira (ushobora nko kumubwira uti nkunda ukuntu ugira gahunda, agahita aseka ati « Yoo, koko se nibyo,uziko unkunda disi ni ukuri ndishimye …»).

Nubwo yaba akeneye guhabwa impano cyangwa kubona umukunzi we hafi, bene nta kindi kintu abakeneye cyane mu rukundo nko guhora umubwira urukundo no kumubwira amagambo meza amwubaka mwaba muri kumwe cyangwa mutari kumwe.

4. Gukorerwa ikintu runaka

Gary Chapman yasobanuye ko uburyo bwa kane bwo kumva ko umuntu akunzwe ari ugukorerwa ikintu runaka nko mutekera, kumumesera, kumutwaza isakoshi, kumwoza ibiganza, ku mucira inzara, ku musokoza, kumuterera ipasi n’ibindi. Usanga bene abo abantu bavuga bati « Uzi ko runaka ankunda ! Yankoreye ibi n’ibi, ni ukuri arankunda …»

5. Gukoranaho

Gary Chapman yasobanuye ko uburyo bwa gatanu umuntu yumvamo ko akunzwe ari ugukorwaho. Uzasanga hari abaganira bafatanye mu biganza, cyangwa umwe akora undi mu musatsi, amushima mu nzara n’ibindi. Icyo gihe umuntu wumva ko akunzwe ari uko akozweho kumukorera ibindi byose atabihereza agaciro cyane.

Umwanditsi Gary Chapman yongeraho ko ari gake cyane uzasanga abakundana umusore n’inkumi bumva gukundwa kimwe, umwe ashobora kuba yakwita urukundo guhabwa impano naho undi akumva ko akunzwe ari uko yabwiwe amagambo meza.

Gary atanga inama ko ari byiza kwiga mugenzi wawe ukamenya icyo yita gukundwa bityo urukundo rukabaryohera mwese. Mushobora gutandukana wibwira ko ntacyo utakoze nyamara icyo we yita gukundwa utarakigezeho.

Avuga ko kugira ngo umenye icyo mugenzi wawe yita gukundwa ari uko wagerageza ubwo buryo bwose bwavuzwe noneho ukareba ikinezeza umukunzi wawe kurusha ibindi akaba aricyo ujya wibandaho kurusha ibindi.

Icyakora ngo kuba umuntu yakumva gukundwa mu buryo bumwe ntibivuze ko n’ibindi utabimukorera ariko ukibanda ku cyo yiyumvamo cyane , nk’urugero umukunzi wawe ashobora kuba yumva ko akunzwe ari uko ahawe impano ibyo ntibivuuze ko wamwima umwanya wo kuganira , kubwirwa amagambo meza n’ibindi byose biruzuzanya.

Ibitekerezo bya benshi mu bagerageza gukundana byemeza ko urukundo rwakonje ndetse rutakibaho kuko rugendana n’inyungu, ku buryo hari n’abakorerana ibi bimenyetso by’urukundo barikiye inyungu z’amafaranga cyangwa ubundi butunzi, byose bisaba ubushishozi.

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