Uko umugore wavukanye igitsina gabo yabonye urukundo
Ariko avuga ko abagabo batari abatinganyi bashobora kuba barimo bagenda gahoro gahoro bakira neza igitekerezo cyo gushakira abakunzi mu bagore bavukanye igitsina gabo. Daniella yabwiye inkuru ye umunyamakuru wa BBC utara inkuru zijyanye n’igitsina n’imyirondoro, Megha Mohan.
Iyi nkuru irimo amagambo ashobora kutakirwa neza na bamwe.
Mbere ya Josh, gushakisha umukunzi byari nk’ikinamico irimo ibintu biteye ubwoba.
Kimwe nk’urungano rwanjye, nakoreshaga uduporogaramu two muri telefoni ngendanwa tuzwi ku izina rya "apps" abantu bakoresha bashakisha abakunzi.
Ntabwo mpfa guhitamo ku bijyanye no gushaka umukunzi: mba nshaka umuntu ushaka umugore umwe, tubana nk’inshuti, umuntu dusimburana mu gutegura igaburo rya mu gitondo, umuntu wamba hafi kubera amasaha menshi niga mu masomo y’ubuganga ndimo muri Kaminuza ya California i San Diego.
Rero umwirondoro wanjye wo kuri interinet urabigaragaza. Nanditse umwirondoro nshakisha umukunzi utarimo aya magambo abiri nkoresha mu kuvuga uwo ndi we: "umugore wavukanye igitsina gabo".
Ntabwo mpisha uwo ndi we ku bijyanye n’igitsina. Umubiri wanjye natangiye kuwuhindura ngo mbe umugore igihe nari mfite imyaka 26. Ariko nari maze imyaka myinshi mbaho ku izina rya Daniella.
Mu kumenyera kubaho nk’umugore ntabwo nigeze na rimwe njya mu biganiro mu itangazamakuru bijyanye n’abantu bahinduye igitsina.
Inshuti zanjye zahinduye igitsina nanjye ntabwo duhora tuganira ubutitsa ngo ni ubuhe bwiherero dukoresha cyangwa se ngo ni iyihe nsimburazina (pronoun) tugomba gukoresha. Tuganira ibintu urubyiruko rwinshi ruganiraho: umubano ushingiye ku rukundo.
Nk’umugore ushaka kubana n’umugabo, nashakaga kuba hamwe n’umugabo ushaka kubana n’umugore.
Ariko ntabwo nari niteguye kwakira neza imyifatire y’abagabo bamwe na bamwe bakoresha ako gaporogaramu (app).
Ubutumwa bwinshi bwoherezwaga kuri konti yanjye yo gushaka umukunzi kuri iyo app bwari bubi cyane. Hari igihe nakangukaga ngasanga muri telefone yanjye harimo ubutumwa buvuga ngo "Uri umugabo". Hari igihe noherezwaga ubutumwa bwo kuntera ubwoba ngo nzicwa bwerekana n’uburyo ngomba kwicwamo.
Ubundi butumwa butari bukabije cyane mu kuba bubi ariko bwari bunteye inkeke ni ubwa abagabo bafite inyungu zitari nziza mu bagore batavutse ari abagore.
Bambonaga nk’igikinisho mvamahanga cy’igihe gito kandi ukabona ibijyanye n’ikinyabupfura bitabareba. Ibiganiro bya mbere nagiranye nabo byibandaga cyane ku bibazo bijyanye n’imyanya ndangatsina yanjye n’imibonano mpuzabitsina tuzagirana.
Hari kandi n’abandi bagabo bo bashakaga ko tubana ariko guhura na bo ngo tubiganireho bikaba ingorabahizi.
Abagabo beza ku rupapuro bifuzaga ko tubana kandi bakanyubaha mu ibanga, byabateraga isoni ko rubanda rubabona bari kumwe n’umugore wavutse atari umugore.
Aba bagabo ntabwo banyerekaga abo mu miryango yabo cyangwa inshuti zabo. Bamwe bambwiraga ko bazirukanwa ku kazi umukoresha wabo aramutse amenye ko basohokana n’umugore wavutse atari umugore.
Ku bwanjye numvaga ari urwango bifitemo rw’abatinganyi. Ntibantekereza nk’umugore kandi ntabwo bashakaga ko hagira umuntu ubazi ubafata nk’abatinganyi.
Ibyo bintu nanyuzemo ntabwo byari byoroshye.
Ndibuka rimwe hari uwansohokanye ngo tujye kuganira iby’urukundo tureba filime mu nzu izerekana. Nari nishimye hanyuma igihe yarimo agura amatike yo kwinjira, ndatekereza nti: "Uyu mugabo ni mwiza koko, ibi ni byo bita gusohoka".
Mu gihe amatara bari bamaze kuyazimya, filime igiye gutangira, yarahindukiye arambwira ati: "Ndumva ibi ntashobora kubikora". Yarahagurutse maze arasohoka. Naramukurikiye aho yari agiye gusaba ko bamusubiza amafaranga y’amatike maze arikubita aragenda ansiga jyenyine ngo nitahane mu rugo.
Narumiwe. Kwari ugukozwa isoni bihoraho kugeza aho ntekereza nti "wenda hari ikintu kitagenda muri jyewe gituma ntabona umukunzi".
Maki Gingoyon, uba muri Philippines, afite urubuga abantu banyuraho bashaka abakunzi, rwitwa "My Transgender Date", arufatanije n’umukunzi we, Cyril Mazur.
Maki avuga ko igihe urwo rubuga rwatangiraga muri 2013, abantu miliyoni imwe n’igice bahise barufunguraho konti ariko gusa ababarirwa mu magana bonyine ni bo bakomeje kurukoresha.
Nyuma y’imyaka umunani rufunguwe, umubare w’abarukoresha warazamutse ugera ku bihumbi 120.
Barimo umubare ukomeza kwiyongera w’abantu batari abatinganyi, abasore bavukanye igitsina gabo bashaka abakunzi b’abagore bavukanye igitsina gabo nta soni bibatera kurushyiraho amafoto yabo.
Maki agira: "Uru rubuga twarutangije muri 2013 kubera ko twashakaga ahantu heza hari umutekano ku bagore bavutse atari abagore n’abagabo batahinduye igitsina kugira ngo babashe kurushakiraho abakunzi".
Abantu bahinduye igitsina babona ituze n’inshuti kuri interineti ariko bashobora no kuhakorezwa isoni. Ariko rero ibintu birimo guhinduka. Nshobora kuvuga ntibeshya ko umubare w’abakundana muri ubu buryo urimo kwiyongera."
Maze mu nyuma nza guhura na Josh.
Yanyoherereje ubutumwa bugufi ku gaporogaramu (app) gafasha abashaka abakunzi maze mpita mbona ikinyuranyo. Josh murusha imyaka itanu kandi ni umusirikare mu ngabo z’Amerika.
Avuka mu muryango munini kandi ufite urugwiro w’Abanyamerika bafite inkomoko muri Philippines kandi bose yababwiye ibyanjye birimo n’ibijyanye n’umwirondoro ushingiye ku gitsina amaze kumenya ko ibyanjye na we byari bikomeye.
Hari abatangaye kumva ukuntu umuhungu wabo ari kumwe n’umugore wavukanye igitsina gabo, ariko bakomeje kumbera abantu beza.
Umuntu wa mbere nahuye na we wo mu muryango wa Josh yari mushiki we kandi nashoboraga kubona umunezero we mu maso ye igihe baduhuzaga. Nahise mbona ko hagati yanjye na we nta kibazo cyari gihari.
Mu mezi yakurikiyeho nahuye n’umuryango wa Josh wose. Ikintu cya mbere sekuru yavuze ambonye yagize ati: "Josh, ni mwiza cyane".
Rimwe nabajije Josh impamvu nta kintu abihishaho nk’abandi bagabo batari abatinganyi benshi ku bijyanye n’urukundo, maze ambwira ko mu nshuti ze buri gihe habaga harimo umugore wavukanye igitsina gabo ngo ni yo mpamvu atantekerezaga agendeye ku mwirondoro ushingiye ku gitsina.
Kuba yari azi abantu nk’abo mbere, byaramufashije. Yambwiye ko nta kinyuranyo abibonamo gushakira urukundo ku mugore usanzwe cyangwa umugore wavukanye igitsina gabo. Avuga ko "dufitanye urukundo rusanzwe".
Hashize imyaka ibiri n’igice ibyo bibaye kandi turacyari kumwe. Jyewe na Josh dufite ibitugora bimwe ku bijyanye n’ahazaza hacu nkuko bimeze no ku bandi bantu babana nk’umugore n’umugabo. Nubwo bwose mfite inshuti nyinshi z’abatinganyi bemera ubushuti butandukanye, navuga ko ubwacu ari nk’ubwo usanzwe uzi.
Ikibazo kidukomereye ubu ni igihe tuba tutari kumwe kubera akazi dukora. Josh hari igihe amara amezi ari mu myitozo n’igisirikare cy’Amerika naho jyewe ubu ndimo kwiga amasomo y’ubuganga amasaha 12 ku munsi.
Ariko hari n’ikindi kintu nifuza kugeraho. Mfatanije n’inshuti yanjye, Avi Manullang, na we w’umugore wavukanye igitsina gabo akaba ari n’umuforomokazi, turashaka gutangiza agaporogaramu (app) abagore n’abagabo basanzwe n’abantu bahinduye igitsina bakoresha mu gushaka abakunzi bakabona nta kibazo kirimo cyo kubana n’abantu bafite imyirondoro itandukanye ku bijyanye n’igitsina.
Abagore bavukanye igitsina gabo bakorerwa urugomo rukabije rushingiye ku gitsina, rero turimo gukora uko dushoboye kugira ngo bagire umutekano. Buri muntu yagombye kugira uburenganzira bwo kubaho, gukunda no gukundwa mu cyubahiro.
Mfite icyizere cy’ejo hazaza. Igihe nari umwana, abantu bahinduye igitsina nababonaga gusa kuri televiziyo aho bakozwaga isoni mu biganiro nk’icya Jerry Springer. None ubu dufite urubyiruko rw’abahanzi badahisha ko bahinduye igitsina.
Abantu nka Hunter Schafer wo mu kiganiro cya televiziyo cyitwa Euphoria badahisha na gato umwirondoro wabo mu buryo bworoshye kandi bwumvikana.
Mu gihe abantu benshi bakomeza kubona abantu bafite imyirondoro itandukanye ishingiye ku gitsina, nzi neza ko ibitekerezo by’abantu bizahinduka ku buryo abantu bakundana nk’ibi byanjye na Josh baziyongera.
Ntabwo nshaka kuvuga ko buri muntu wese agomba kuvuga ibye byose igihe arimo gushakira urukundo mu bantu bafite igitsina batavukanye. Ariko abantu benshi bagomba kumenya ko urukundo hagati y’abantu bafite igitsina bavukanye n’abahinduye igitsina ruhari kandi nta kibazo biteye.
Urukundo rwanjye ubu rufatwa nk’ikintu kidasanzwe ariko ntekereza ko hari intambwe irimo guterwa cyane cyane na kino gisekuru gishya cy’abantu bavutse mu gihe cya interineti usanga nta kibazo bafite ku bijyanye n’imyirondoro itandukanye ishingiye ku gitsina no kutabihisha.
Ku rubuga rwa TikTok, abantu miliyoni 3.7 bamaze gusura ’hashtag’ ivuga ibijyanye n’urukundo rw’abantu bashakana n’abahinduye igitsina. Ibi rero kuri jyewe ni ibintu binshimishije cyane.
BBC