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Menya ibyo udakwiye kubaza umukobwa mugihura, Niba umwifuzaho ubushuti

Ubuzima   Yanditswe na: ISHIMWE JANE 18 April 2022

Abantu benshi iyo bagihura usanga buri umwe afite amatsiko yo kumenya mu genzi we muburyo bwimbitse ariko akenshi habaho kwibeshya cyangwa se ugasanga warngereye mu bibazo uri kubaza rimwe na rimwe bigatuma umubano wanyu udashobora gukomeza n’ubushuti bugahagarara kandi nyamara hari ibibazo wagenera igihe kuko uko murushaho kumenyana hari ibyisubiza cyangwa se wanabimubaza ntihagire icyangirika kumubano wanyu.


Abahanga bazobereye mu byimibanire y’abashakanye cyangwa abashaka gukundana hari inama bagira umusore y’ibibazo adakwiye kubaza umukobwa mu gihe bahuye bwambere cyangwa aribwo bakimenyana ariko akaba amwifuzaho urukundo rurambye.

Ku rubuga rwa Internet www.wellandgood.com , umwanditsi w’ibitabo w’Umunyamerika witwa Hannah Orenstein utuye mu Mujyi wa New York City, agira inama abantu bifuza gukundana, akavuga ko atari byiza niba bahuye ubwa mbere gutangira kuganira ku bijyanye na Politiki, imyemerere(religion), ndetse n’amafaranga, ahubwo ngo bakaganira ku bindi bibafasha gutangira kumenyana.

Kuri urwo rubuga kandi bavuga ibibazo umusore atagombye kubaza inkumi bahuye ku nshuro ya mbere kandi yifuza ko urukundo rwabo rukomeza, kugira ngo uko guhura kwa mbere bitaba ari nabwo bwa nyuma bahuye.

1 . Kumubaza umusore bakundanaga mbere cyangwa uko yari ameze

uwitwa Jonathan Bennett, washinze sositeye yitwa ‘Double Trust Dating’ ifasha abifuza gukundana, ikorera mu Mujyi witwa Ohio, avuga ko iyo ubajije icyo kibazo uba utangiye nabi, kuko ubundi abakundana bahuye bwa mbere bagomba kuganira kuri bo ubwabo, ntibite ku bakundanye mu bihe byahise.

2. Kumubaza impamvu adafite umukunzi kandi ari mwiza

Umwanditsi witwa Rabbi Sholmo Zalman Bregman yavuze ko kubaza icyo kibazo umukobwa mugihura ari bibi kuko biba bisa no kumushinja ko afite ibitagenda kuri we bituma adafite uwo bakundana, kandi ubundi ngo biba bishoboka ko ari uko atarabona uwo bahuza gusa.

3. Umussore ntakwiye kubaza umukobwa niba akunda gusaragurika

Ibyo bituma nawe yivuga nk’urugero: Akavuga ngo maze iminsi nkundana n’abantu basaragurika gusa’.

Candice A, impuguke mu kwigisha abashaka gukundana, avuga ko umusore adakwiye kubaza umukobwa icyo kibazo, kuko na we yakwibaza impamvu akunda guhura n’abo basaragurika gusa, ibyiza ngo urareka ukazagenda ubona uko ateye buhoro buhoro.

4. Kumubaza umubare w’abasore amaze gukundana nabo

Ntukwiye kubaza umukobwa iki kibazo kuko nta gisubizo cy’ukuri wabona kandi anamaze kugusubiza nubwo ngo byaba atari ukuri, na we yahita akurikizaho kukubaza abo mwakundanye, ugasanga bibaye ibyo ntimubone n’umwanya wo kuganira kuri mwe, n’urukundo mugamije rukabura umwanya wo kuruvugaho.

5. Kumubaza aho abona urukundo rwanyu rugana

Ibi bituma umukobwa amufata nk’uwihebye cyangwa se ufite ubwira bwinshi, ibyiza ngo arategereza akareba aho rugana nyine.

6. Kumubaza ibiciro by’ikintu yambaye cyangwa afite

Si byiza ko ubaza umukobwa mukimenyana ibiciro byibyo afite nk’urugero ari nk’isakoshi afite, bigaragara ko ihenze, si byiza kumubaza igiciro cyayo. Uwitwa Bonnie Winston, icyamamare akaba n’impuguke mu by’urukundo avuga ko bihagije ko wamubwira ko afite isakoshi nziza bitabaye ngombwa kujya mu by’ibiciro.

7. Kumubaza icyo yapfuye n’abo babanje gukundana

Nta musore ukwiriye kubaza umukobwa bagihura uko yatandukanye n’abo babanje gukundana nubwo byaba bimuteye amatsiko,agomba gutegereza akazaba abimenya,ntagomba no kumubaza icyo yiteze mu rukundo rwabo…,ibyiza ngo ni ugutegereza.

8. Kumubaza niba hari undi musore bari kumwe

Si byiza kandi kubaza umukobwa niba hari undi musore bari kumwe(mu rukundo) mugihura, kuko nk’uko Bennett abivuga byumvikanisha ko ushobora kuba ushaka kumugenzura, cyangwa se ukaba wazajya unamufuhira mu gihe kizaza, ibyiza ngo urabyihorera ukazamenya niba hari undi bari kumwe uko iminsi igenda.

Author : ISHIMWE JANE

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